Saturday, January 17, 2009

the following links are all safe for work, so in between beating it and worrying your boss will catch you, check these out. Perfect of examples of advertising to the wrong crowd.




http://www.whorepresents.com


http://www.expertsexchange.com


http://www.penisland.net

http://www.therapistfinder.com


http://www.powergenitalia.com



http://www.molestationnursery.com

Bathrooms

Bathrooms

I have wanted to ask a few questions and address an issue that has been bothering me for some time.

I have used many of bathrooms in my days, I am an animal, i have to... well not really but in efforts to stay out of jail its an easy compromise...

Anyways, what the hell with people in public restrooms?

Maybe its just the breed i work with but holy candied christ it confuses me.

1. The is the rule of the urinals in a mens restroom, the reason is, people are holding their penis and doing bad things. Those who try to get close to it scare those who dont want a man close to it. So for the women out there let me explain. There are 4 urinals side by side, if a man is at 1 try to use 4 as first priority, but 3 will do, 2 is a big no. the rules change of course if they are at 2 you use 4 standard, they at 3 you use 1, the basic thing is like a movie seat with a male friend 2 men do not sit next to each other, or piss next to each other unless they absolutley have to. Now the problem comes in where 2 men are already attacking 2 of 4, my advice, use a john to piss in, its surrounded with walls and somplifies the confusion of where to piss, but if you must, or are in more of a dont give a shit mood go in between but stare straight ahead and look pissed. Never look left to right, dont look at the person next to you, and kill your self before you would ever talk to the man holding his penis next to you.

This is where i have issues, from what i have known the rules of male urinals of straight men is pretty well known, so i ask to the following situation, do i just have intelligent freinds or am i all fuct up?

At work about 65% of the time, someone will talk to me, usually when this happens the person will refer to me as Macky.... This screws with me very much so seeing as Macky is a pet name for Mack. If you are a child fine, a old sweet woman fine, but a man who is working along side me and now holding your cock as i hold mine... I am very disturbed.... The other issue is the slap on the back or ass as you are pissing in a urinal.... How much rape with a rusty fork must be had for a man to not see this as being wrong?

2.Phone and using the toilet... There are a select few of people i will talk to whilst on the shitter jon. In this select few are all people i know well, and they would expect nothing less from me so i know it is okay. Girlfriend calls ok, i can dutch oven her so me going to duty while talking is no biggie. Top 5 close guy friends ok too, they have probably seen me eating dirt and vomiting on myself so this would be a much easier thing to deal with in general. But pastors, or a random new person seems wrong.

Where this is twisted and done wrong is my fellow co-workers with bluetooth that will piss or shit while talking to a customer. This bothers me, in some ways it would be like calling your mother to chat in the middle of sex as a level of wrong. For example, if i called to pay my comcast or garbage bill and some gal was on the other line shitting and farting up a storm i would be mad.

Am i being silly? Am i really too sensitive?

3. WASH YOUR FUCKING HANDS!
i work with many people shitting and not washing and am very bothered by this, i am tempted to get spray paint and attakc the hell out of them when i catch them. In the mean time i find the biggest gossip and point out people who are non-washers so the news spreads. Really now, who still does this in a sober tie wearing environment?

4. Self love in a public stall... I heard what had to have been this the other day as i was 1 of 2 people in a bathroom. Me at a urinal and a person in a stall with the shuffle 1,2 sound of what had to have been hand sex.... This just seems wrong!

5. Back to the urinal topic, resting your arm on the weird side wall that gives you mild protection from pee pee peekers, who does this and what do the think it means?

slick drunk and useless

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Friday, January 16, 2009

Horton is hearing

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Drunk and peeing

Its my night away from evil and I am watching shit

So far the trailers of shaun of the dead

I am cherrant and not fucking retrded so if I pee on (significant other) that was satans influence

Friday, December 19, 2008

it is a friday and that is always good part 1

well shit kindle princess I am excited, the lady has gone off to bed.... to read the twilight novels of course (dont worry i will beat her excessively in the a.m.) and i sit here with my shitty old nes games, a movie playing (iichi the killer of course, just finished I heart huckabees again) and a whole fucking shit ton of alcohol....



i will call this part 1 becuase the plan is once i am too shitty drunk i will post again, and that post will give random passerbyes a big ol hard on for random insanity in written form... If i dont deliver well dont get mad, at least my advertisement of making a hard on didnt come as spam in your email....


anyways so i have been very ill lately, and now i really like sucking on cough drops, according to my girlfriend your only supposed to have a cough drop every four hours, but thats not what i have been doing. Not even close.


Sooooooooooooooooooo..... Nothing much right now, but if you are looking for pure brutality on the internet i came across 3 guys 1 hammer on encyclopdeia dramtica, and that is the most fucked up shit i have seen in a while, so go enjoy if you are looking for fucked up....

also called the dmetriasldkfh;a maniacs, 3 teen kids, killed tortured and mutilated 21 random people and recorded it all over a year. There is one video where they beat an old man with a hammer and gouge out his eyes witha screwdriver... Needless to say, very disturbing and my winner of most crazy thing on the internet i have found of the week...

Hopefully i remember to come back later and write incoherent shit, if not...

I AM FUCKING DEAD HAHAHAHHAHAHA

Monday, November 17, 2008

Thanksgiving Never Looked Better

It's Thanksgiving time again, and you know what that means: PETA is on the march, trying to convince us all to quit our Turkey habit. This year it is a Cooking Mama spoof called Cooking Mama: Mama Kills Animals (found below blabbing)... and their attempt at getting me to stop eating that delicious bird has become my new favorite office time waster.

Seriously, if you want someone to quit doing something, don't make it fun.